how can u be prego again
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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