Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
