I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
