Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
