i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
