shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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