Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
