You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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