Dual....:-)
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
