i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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