How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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