i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My balls are so social today.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
