awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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