Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
