Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
