she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
