i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
