she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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