Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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