I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
