I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
