what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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