you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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