sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dicks are not precious.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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