Do you still have your period?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Randomize
