He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
