just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
