Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
