What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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