so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
