In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
