I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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