So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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