So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
