I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
