I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
