All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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