Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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