So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just found puke in my bra..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
