Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
