I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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