I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
