this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
