He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
