Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
