i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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