I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize