she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
