dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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