I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
