quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
