he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Barsexuality is the new black.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
