1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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