It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
