I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
