Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
