Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize